Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Wordless Wednesday...but with words

From the City.

So, I'm going back to work in roughly a month.  I am feeling anxious and a bit sad about this transition. 
   My crazy person lists: dinner ideas for Simon, meal ideas for Theo and random stuff to do.

When Theo was first born, everyone told me to enjoy it cause time was gonna fly right on by but I just didn't really understand them.  I thought, "....a year, how could a year fly by??? I'll be aching to go back, forget that, maybe I'll even go back early..."  I have never been so wrong about anything in my whole life.  I have been on the verge of tears for about the past week as I start to get us ready.  Making lists, crossing things off lists, stressing about said lists.  

It's funny, I swear this transition has made me call everything into question.  I've considered myself a feminist for forever and even did an entire undergrad in women's studies (much to my dad's chagrin) and now I'm facing this dilemma where all I really want to do it stay home and cook and craft and do laundry and look after my family but in the back of mind I have this little voice saying, "no, no, no you need to do MORE, you need to CONTRIBUTE..." but, I say to the voice, staying at home is truly the hardest and most thankless work ever and I am contributing, I am contributing to my family and to society by cranking out this lovely kind little human being, that's gotta count for something! 

what is this voice and where does it come from???? who started it and keeps it humming in my mind???

From what I've heard from other mama's, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.  You go to work and you feel like you're missing out on your family.  You stay home and you're missing out on a career and independence and freedom.  

So what to do?  I'll let you know when I figure it out.
(not so wordless this week)


  1. Amelia, I play with the same moral dilemna over and over!

    Am I less of a feminist if I choose home, family, cooking and cleaning, even though it makes me happy? In fact, I think this is possibly one of the hardest things I'm faced with. We were trained to be so AGAINST these images.

    But I truly feel like it's less about being a woman, or a feminist, and more about satisfying my underlying, personal desires.

    So what if you love cooking, feel satisfaction from a clean living space, and think and ideal Friday night is family bonding time? Are you amazing at it? Are you following your own ideas? Are you in a balanced relationship full of love and respect? Then you're a powerful woman, who takes care of business. Your business.

    So sorry to hear you have to return to work, but it's yet another way to prove your ferociousness.

    1. Thanks Lindsay.

      I know you're right. If only that damn guilty side of me didn't pipe in so often.

      I have decided that the return to work is a pure trial and if it doesn't work for the fam we look for an alternative. That might mean skimping even more and being even more frugal but if that is best for family than that's the most important thing.


  2. Toughy. You and almost every other woman have these feelings at this time. Present company included. I can tell you this: most woman enjoy going back to work once they get back into the routine....enjoy wearing clothes with no puke/snot on them, enjoy the rewards of work, etc. You have a crappy (and I mean CRAPPY) first month back, but then you get into it and enjoy both worlds. You'll look forward to your time with Theo even more.

    When I think of how working women get the shaft it makes me mad/sad. So I try not to dwell on the feminist part too much.....Instead, I have sort of a practical approach that drives me. Not to bring the house down or anything, but I think to myself 'how am I going to survive if something were to happen to my husband?'. Totally a downer, I know, but it sort of leaves you with no choice! So I do what I have to do and look forward to weekends.

    You'll get a zillion opinions both ways. Do what you have to do. You'll make the right choice. If you do decide to go back, don't feel guilty -- Theo will always be loved. All his friends' moms will be working too so he won't know the difference.


    1. I like practical. It works for me. Good point about the dude getting sick. Then what are you gonna do right???

      we'll see how it goes, I'm trying real hard to be open minded and clear headed going in.


  3. Thanks to all feminists, you have a choice!!! And I think that's the most important part. I'm sure you're pretty busy but if you get a chance, I recommend reading Radical Homemaker, by Shannon Hayes-justifies many of those feelings I'd say! Good luck, enjoying your blog!
    ~a farmer in Maine.

    1. Thanks Milkmaid!

      I'll look for that book at the library this week, any help I can get would be appreciated!

      So glad you enjoy the blog.



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